One of my favorite anecdotes is about the movie Ice Age when the chickens fought hard to save their watermelons because the ice age was coming, and would stay for a billion, billion years! So they had to prepare. During the interface, they said to the mammoth “if you don’t prepare, then doom on you, doom on you”. To which he replied, “so you have 3 melons?”
I don’t know if I stated that scene correctly… but here’s the bigger point. We must have a goal. Then when we identify the goal we must prepare. How do we do that? We plan. Plan the steps from beginning to end. Don’t leave it Unfinished.
Is pretending wrong? Is it wrong to Pretend that all is well in the midst of a loss? In the midst of fear? In the midst of turmoil, and pain? Is it wrong to pretend that we too can succeed at all we put our minds to? To achieve a great feat that in our real minds we would be afraid to do? Is it wrong?
Maybe not. If pretense is what we have to do to come outside of ourselves to achieve our dreams, goals, and aspirations, I’d say go for it! Because…one day it will be for real!
There are many who act like toxins that poison our careers, dreams, goals, and aspirations
Why does she always have to be mean? Why can’t he understand? Why is it so hard for my boss to get it? Why does she have to always be so …. toxic!
Yes, Toxic. Indeed, it is a strong word which means pertaining to, affected with, or caused by a toxin, or poison. That is the meaning attributed to the word. Sad when it is used to describe an individual’s behavior. But truth be told, there are many who act like toxins that poison our careers, dreams, goals, and aspirations. Year in year out, time and again they poison our ability to succeed. Yet why do so many choose to stick around such people? Toxic people are offensive, and people hate being around them.
So in order to succeed, we must get away from them. It is difficult when you work directly with such individuals, but when you choose them as your ‘Generous‘ friends, it’s a sure recipe for disaster.
Traits of Toxic People
Selected here are eight (8) of the characteristics described by Dr. Lillian Glass, Expert in Human Behavior. As alluded, if you see yourself in any of the traits, don’t Panic! Simply recognize the trait(s) and start the process to do something about it. But first, brace yourselves and let’s try to understand the various characteristics.
The Cut-You-Downer is arrogant, mean, belittling, bitchy, hateful, self-righteous, condescending, threatened, superior, insecure, offensive, critical, sarcastic, disrespectful, underhanded, and fault-finding. They have little self-esteem and will find fault with you and with everyone else. They love to belittle, taunt, ridicule, others. They cut others down so they can build themselves up.
The Self-Destroyer is victim-like, unrealistic, weak, unstable, sabotaging, rejecting, negative, threatened, selfish, lifeless, desperate, unappreciative, depressed, defiant, rebellious, and out of control. They hate themselves so much that they constantly tear themselves down and harp on what’s wrong with them, while berating themselves. They usually say things like “I’m so stupid”; “that was dumb of me”; or “I’m the worst.” In essence, self-destroyers try to cut themselves down before anyone else has a chance to do it. They hardly ever accept compliments and will negate any nice or kind words that come their way. They can be so full of self-loathing that they will become alcoholics, foodaholics, drug abusers, etc. Essentially self-destroyers don’t think they are worthy of good things or deserve anything positive in life.
The Gossip is indiscreet, insecure, fault-finding, false, belittling, quick to place blame, brazen, hypocritical, competitive, hurtful, self-righteous, shallow, sharp-tongued, skeptical, sneaky, imposing, adversarial, conspiratorial, critical, disloyal, meddling, mean-spirited, offensive, and angry. The gossip loves to spread stories even embellish them, and may invent stories of his or her own. The gossip is usually a nosy person whose biggest pleasure is telling you about someone else’s misfortunes. He might find pleasure in telling stories about others. Gossips generally have very little going on in their own lives. So they want to be accepted and to feel important so they bring you the latest news (real or imagined).
The Gloom and Doom Victim is masochistic, guilt-ridden, worrisome, sabotaging, resentful, rigid, selfish, rejecting, sad, negative, petty, fault-finding, paranoid, stubborn, whiny, weak, defeatist, unimaginative, self-destructive, fearful, solemn, cowardly, depressed, skeptical, unappreciative, suspicious, lifeless, lethargic, lackadaisical, defensive, and depressed. Gloom and Doom victims are depressing to be around. Their energy really zaps you as they tell you how horrible life is, has been, and will be for them. They aim to make you feel sorry for them, but they have no interest in any advice you offer. Their preference is to wallow in self-pity, certain that the world has done them in and everybody has done them wrong. Nothing ever goes right for them. Maybe it’s because their glass is always half empty rather than half full. They blame everyone but themselves when anything goes wrong in their lives.
The opportunistic User is selfish, interfering, manipulative, back-stabbing, brown-nosing, secretive, indirect, disloyal, conspiratorial, dishonest, sneaky, unappreciative, underhanded, tenacious and seductive. Opportunistic users are out for themselves alone. They are fair weather friends who want you in their life only when it is convenient for them—when they can benefit. These people will do anything to get ahead. If they can benefit from someone or have benefited all they can, they discard the person like a used paper towel, without a second thought.
The Me, Myself, and I Narcissist is selfish, egomaniacal, lacking in self-confidence, shallow, insecure, arrogant, boring, limited, socially inept, exhausting, obnoxious, flamboyant, self-centered, indiscreet, and a show-off. They have only one thing in mind—themselves. They are the most self-centered individuals anyone can encounter. They don’t want to talk about or do anything unless it pertains to them. They want to hear about your issues only if it affects them. Their vocabularies are filled with the words “me”, “myself”, and “I”. Trying to have a conversation with a narcissist can be the most frustrating experience you will ever have, because they speak a monologue instead of a give-and-take dialogue.
The Competitor is provocative, fearless, fanatical, obnoxious, paranoid, offensive, pushy, aggressive, resentful, sabotaging, conniving, intense, intimated, defensive, confrontational, threatened, untrustworthy, negative, insecure, argumentative, and always looking for a fight. Competitors seek every opportunity to outwit or surpass others. Everything is a competition from getting a job to getting a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife. Competitors tend to be show-offs and braggarts who gloat about their achievements—both past and present. They constantly try to impress you with how much better they are than you. In essence they have such low self-esteem that the only way they can relate to you is by turning everything into a contest.
The Control Freak is invasive, sabotaging, rigid, manipulative, arrogant, aggressive, forceful, backstabbing, self-righteous, meddlesome, confrontational, inflexible, egotistical, obstinate, pushy, unreasonable, stubborn, selfish, unaware, threatened, disrespectful, uncommunicative, and stubborn. Control freaks can never let go. Like bullies, they are immobilized if not in control. However, unlike bullies, they don’t always use anger or meanness to get what they want. Control freaks often use sweet talk and manipulation. They are not team players and have difficulty delegating authority, as they try to do everything themselves. If things don’t go their way, they get angry or lose interest, for they feel they must always be in charge. Their lives are filled with frustration and disappointment and never go with the flow. Instead, they force things to happen and when things don’t go their rigid way they panic and become angry or more manipulative.
Did any of these traits remind you of someone you knew? If so what effect has it had on your success? Maybe it’s time for a change.
Traveling in the slow lane, I get angry. I get upset. Forgetting that I’m traveling in the slow lane. My progress is slowed. My destination eludes me and seem to get further away. My anger grows. My frustration… like a fuse lights up, ready to explode!
But that’s how it is with life. Missed steps, missed deadlines, procrastination. Failed business, exams, twisted careers, and more cause us to feel like we are driving in the slow lane. Our goals, dreams, aspirations seems unreachable. We get angry, frustrated, feel punished. But that’s because we have gone off course. We fail to plan. We fail to focus. We fail to keep our eyes on the goal. Milestones recede…ebbs away in the distance. One by one. We procrastinate saying I’ll get it done tomorrow…, but tomorrow never comes.
But all is not lost. Achieving our goal is like a Hike. If carefully planned our long walk to success can be achieved one step at a time. One foot before the other..again and again, and again. And if we plan it, we are able to enjoy the beauty of the experience along the way.
Today, take a step in the right direction. If you slipped… get up, dust yourself off, and get back on track. Your goal will be a step closer for sure.
Summer’s over! Free reign! The iguana walks around like he’s the Don in charge. The gecko scampers on my approach, and the little lizard (big to me but small when compared to the iguana), stands still as if asking me “what you gonna do now”? What can I do but dart in the opposite direction.
That said, it’s the same in our lives. Seasons change and Businesses take on renewed zest. We take a look around and realize …oh yea I’m supposed to be busy working on my goal. The truth is, you should never have stopped. Even downtime is to be planned like a marinating Sandwich until we return.
But don’t be too hard on yourself. Get back in the game. Push forward and catch up.
Here are two Goal guides to help you compliments of The Coaching Tools Company and iHarry.
I love Quotes. They inspire us to achieve; to go after our dreams, goals and aspirations. They motivate…instilling the desire to move beyond our comfort zone to attain new heights. Quotes encourage… giving us hope especially when we must ride those difficult waves of tough economic times, health scares, job changes, or more. It’s rather comforting to reach for those Quotes that boost our confidence to keep moving forward to maintain the drive for success.
Inspirational Quotes connect us with individuals who have been there done that. Many are the words of famous, influential historical figures whose words last well beyond their years. It is not uncommon for teachers, coaches, and mentors to use the power of Quotes to stimulate our desire to reach our goals. We are driven by their faith in us …that we can accomplish that great feat. Our innate desires sparked, we move forward with renewed zeal.
Success Quotes
Here are 10 of my favorite Success Quotes.
The starting point of all achievement is desire –Napoleon Hill
Success is not final: failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts –Winston Churchill
In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can – Nikos Kazantzakis
Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it –Bruce Lee
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure ―Mark Twain
You don’t make progress by standing on the sidelines whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas –Shirley Chisholm
Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day –Jim Rohn
Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort –Franklin D. Roosevelt
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will –Vince Lombardi
With Every Success Comes Celebration -Elaine Cameron-Walters
Do you have a favorite motivational Quote? Do share! We want to hear!
We often dream of success…however, we define it. But to place a twist on attaining success, one wonders whether the good life is always good. Are the very things that so many individuals strive for, such as a high-paying and powerful job, a beautiful house, a wardrobe of nice clothes in desirable sizes, and a fancy education for children to prepare them for carrying on this way of life: Do these very things turn out to be more trouble than they are worth? In fact, it is believed that the psychological burdens associated with being a low-status individual (i.e., poor) grow lighter as people move up the social ladder, but that is true only to a certain extent. Once individuals achieve more success, the mental and physical health benefits associated with greater affluence fade away. As individuals near the top, life stress increases dramatically, and its toxic effects essentially cancel out many positive aspects of succeeding. Basically, it falls
High Status Stress
The stress of high status is also a reason for caution. Schieman, Yuko, and Van Gundy found that people with higher levels of education and in higher status occupations with higher income experience higher levels of stress. Some factors that contribute to stress include more authority and autonomy, non-routine work demands, involvement, and longer hours, may lead to more conflicts between work and home. This was due to the rationale that the very trappings of success can make life harder for those who are more driven and work devoted.
Power And Stress
Power is another benefit that is a stressor. Having authority over others binds people to all sorts of interpersonal conflicts and management turmoil, leading to very high stress. In the same way, the smaller details associated with micro-impression-management activities, such as getting the right clothes, the right haircut, and the big enough house, as well as raising the attractive, athletic, community-serving kids that will get into Harvard, all contribute to stress.
Also, in high-status communities, such activities might be a requirement rather than a choice in order to maintain credibility. Individuals have to wear the right suit to work or have to live in the right neighborhood, or else people will not take them seriously. Because millions of Americans struggle to make ends meet and would probably be willing to trade places, Time magazine writer Warner warned, “Be careful what you wish for.”
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