Category: Reflection

We write with open hands, and not with fists. ~Beth Kephart

Early in life, my mom wanted to write her life story. A trailblazer, she was one of the country’s first female automobile mechanic who was later fired for getting pregnant. Decades later she passed away without collating the details, as only she could.

The most overpowering reason to write your story is because if you don’t, that version of the story dies with you. That’s what happened with my mom. Today, I am a writer of several books, but it would be remiss of me to think that I could capture details the way she would have if only she had written them herself.

I also reflect on the life of Dolly Parton who wrote many songs with tales of female experiences such as “Working-9-to-5, What a Way to Make a Living.” The world was her stage and through her legacy, she left her indelible mark because she chose to capture and impact many through her songwriting endeavors.

So, I encourage you to write. There is only person who holds the full, lived truth of your experience. Not the polished version other people saw, not the résumé version, not even the version your closest family remembers, but the real one. The one with the doubt and the mess and the moment things actually turned. Once you’re gone, that’s gone. No one can reconstruct it from the outside.

Here’s How Writers Recommend That You Write Your Life Story

In a public forum, a woman shared her desire to write her life story. With confusion she asked, “where do I start?” As members chimed in, I captured some of their feedback to encourage, lead, and guide her how to get it done. Here I share a few:

1. Write as if you are telling a friend what happened.
2. Begin with a diary of your current life
3. Break it down into three parts ages 0 to 21; 22 to 40; 41 to 65. Then make some bullet points of major parts of your life during those periods. Then flesh out each bullet point into a chapter. As you do this, you will remember more things, and more chapters will be born. But breaking the whole down into bite-size chunks like this will help you get started.
4. You could think of 3-5 of the most impactful moments of your life, both your lowest and highest times. From there you can inquire into your internal state of mind and emotions. Then you will probably begin to connect the dots from other events in your life which will help fill and tell your story.
5. Just start writing now. What you write will not be the finished article, but just get on with it. Worry about formatting and how to publish later.
6. Keep the pressure of where to start off of you. Just write something, and then something else, and then something else.
   A beta reader for my novel suggested a late chapter in my novel was the ideal starting chapter. So, I moved it and he was right.
7. If you have never been a “writer,” this may be much more challenging than you think. Writing a book is hard enough when writing fiction and essays. Journaling is something you may have always practiced and enjoy doing. It’s not impossible to learn for a specific goal, but it may be quite challenging.
8. From your earliest memory put dates on the entry. When you remember other things from those times you can add them later.
9. I’d start with the moment or experience that still feels the most alive to you, rather than worrying about telling your entire life story from beginning to end. Write that scene as honestly as you can and let the memories and meaning unfold from there. You don’t need to have the whole structure figured out before you begin. Once you have some pages down, you can start seeing the themes and moments that deserve to become chapters. Most importantly, don’t worry about making it perfect on the first draft. Just tell your story.
10. Easy. Start writing one memory or scar or grief or shame at a time
11. All stories need a plot ARC, character ARC, theme, conflict, tension, and resolution. Find those and write.
12. I did mine–birth to enlistment, 22-year enlistment and post military. (First 18-years, next 22-years and then invite things as they happened). Write everything you can remember. Cut things out later
13. Think of best or worst thing you ever experienced. Then, jump on your board and ride that wave with your full passion. Not tough. Just need to jump.
    Editing comes later.
14. Unless the beginning was terrible or horrific or shocking in some way, don’t start there. That’s so boring. Honestly ask yourself, is your life story interesting? Not to you, a friend, a neighbor, or someone who loves or even likes you… but to a complete stranger.
15. I kind of want to do this too. I thought of starting with a description of the hospital I was born in and a story my mom always told about a man in the waiting room offering to buy a baby. My dad allegedly punched him for asking to buy me. Is it true? Who knows? But kind of a cool story. This was in 1957.
    You could begin by describing the weather the day you were born. (You can look that up). A pregnancy anecdote your mother told; what was going on in the world; etc.
16. A good way is remembering short stories and then grow them, if you want chronologically after the stories are in place. Also, I read other biographies and finally would ask myself why I am writing it and why would someone who doesn’t know me would want to read it
17. I’ve just published the final part of my memoir. Two books in all. Once you begin more memories will flood your head. If something happened that defined you, start there. The Following chapters could be looking back. Then continue into the future. Please just start writing, it will come together, you will feel it’s right.
18. I was told when I began that memoirs only sell if you are famous and debut novels barely sell. My second book released the 15th of August went straight to number 1 on new releases on kindle true crime. Don’t let anyone put you off. Just start writing

Hmm, interesting recommendations. What has been your experience? Do share. We would love to hear.

Cheers!