8 Traits of Toxic People…

There are many who act like toxins that poison our careers, dreams, goals, and aspirations

Why does she always have to be mean? Why can’t he understand? Why is it so hard for my boss to get it? Why does she have to always be so …. toxic!

Yes, Toxic. Indeed, it is a strong word which means pertaining to, affected with, or caused by a toxin, or poison. That is the meaning attributed to the word. Sad when it is used to describe an individual’s behavior. But truth be told, there are many who act like toxins that poison our careers, dreams, goals, and aspirations. Year in year out, time and again they poison our ability to succeed. Yet why do so many choose to stick around such people? Toxic people are offensive, and people hate being around them.

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So in order to succeed, we must get away from them. It is difficult when you work directly with such individuals, but when you choose them as your ‘Generous‘ friends, it’s a sure recipe for disaster.

Traits of Toxic People

Selected here are eight (8) of the characteristics described by Dr. Lillian Glass, Expert in Human Behavior. As alluded, if you see yourself in any of the traits, don’t Panic! Simply recognize the trait(s) and start the process to do something about it.  But first, brace yourselves and let’s try to understand the various characteristics.

  • The Cut-You-Downer is arrogant, mean, belittling, bitchy, hateful, self-righteous, condescending, threatened, superior, insecure, offensive, critical, sarcastic, disrespectful, underhanded, and fault-finding. They have little self-esteem and will find fault with you and with everyone else. They love to belittle, taunt, ridicule, others. They cut others down so they can build themselves up.

  • The Self-Destroyer is victim-like, unrealistic, weak, unstable, sabotaging, rejecting, negative, threatened, selfish, lifeless, desperate, unappreciative, depressed, defiant, rebellious, and out of control. They hate themselves so much that they constantly tear themselves down and harp on what’s wrong with them, while berating themselves. They usually say things like “I’m so stupid”; “that was dumb of me”; or “I’m the worst.” In essence, self-destroyers try to cut themselves down before anyone else has a chance to do it. They hardly ever accept compliments and will negate any nice or kind words that come their way. They can be so full of self-loathing that they will become alcoholics, foodaholics, drug abusers, etc. Essentially self-destroyers don’t think they are worthy of good things or deserve anything positive in life.
  • The Gossip is indiscreet, insecure, fault-finding, false, belittling, quick to place blame, brazen, hypocritical, competitive, hurtful, self-righteous, shallow, sharp-tongued, skeptical, sneaky, imposing, adversarial, conspiratorial, critical, disloyal, meddling, mean-spirited, offensive, and angry. The gossip loves to spread stories even embellish them, and may invent stories of his or her own. The gossip is usually a nosy person whose biggest pleasure is telling you about someone else’s misfortunes. He might find pleasure in telling stories about others. Gossips generally have very little going on in their own lives. So they want to be accepted and to feel important so they bring you the latest news (real or imagined).
  • The Gloom and Doom Victim is masochistic, guilt-ridden, worrisome, sabotaging, resentful, rigid, selfish, rejecting, sad, negative, petty, fault-finding, paranoid, stubborn, whiny, weak, defeatist, unimaginative, self-destructive, fearful, solemn, cowardly, depressed, skeptical, unappreciative, suspicious, lifeless, lethargic, lackadaisical, defensive, and depressed. Gloom and Doom victims are depressing to be around. Their energy really zaps you as they tell you how horrible life is, has been, and will be for them. They aim to make you feel sorry for them, but they have no interest in any advice you offer. Their preference is to wallow in self-pity, certain that the world has done them in and everybody has done them wrong. Nothing ever goes right for them. Maybe it’s because their glass is always half empty rather than half full. They blame everyone but themselves when anything goes wrong in their lives.
  • The opportunistic User is selfish, interfering, manipulative, back-stabbing, brown-nosing, secretive, indirect, disloyal, conspiratorial, dishonest, sneaky, unappreciative, underhanded, tenacious and seductive. Opportunistic users are out for themselves alone. They are fair weather friends who want you in their life only when it is convenient for them—when they can benefit. These people will do anything to get ahead. If they can benefit from someone or have benefited all they can, they discard the person like a used paper towel, without a second thought.
  • The Me, Myself, and I Narcissist is selfish, egomaniacal, lacking in self-confidence, shallow, insecure, arrogant, boring, limited, socially inept, exhausting, obnoxious, flamboyant, self-centered, indiscreet, and a show-off. They have only one thing in mind—themselves. They are the most self-centered individuals anyone can encounter. They don’t want to talk about or do anything unless it pertains to them. They want to hear about your issues only if it affects them. Their vocabularies are filled with the words “me”, “myself”, and “I”. Trying to have a conversation with a narcissist can be the most frustrating experience you will ever have, because they speak a monologue instead of a give-and-take dialogue.
  • The Competitor is provocative, fearless, fanatical, obnoxious, paranoid, offensive, pushy, aggressive, resentful, sabotaging, conniving, intense, intimated, defensive, confrontational, threatened, untrustworthy, negative, insecure, argumentative, and always looking for a fight. Competitors seek every opportunity to outwit or surpass others. Everything is a competition from getting a job to getting a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife. Competitors tend to be show-offs and braggarts who gloat about their achievements—both past and present. They constantly try to impress you with how much better they are than you. In essence they have such low self-esteem that the only way they can relate to you is by turning everything into a contest.
  • The Control Freak is invasive, sabotaging, rigid, manipulative, arrogant, aggressive, forceful, backstabbing, self-righteous, meddlesome, confrontational, inflexible, egotistical, obstinate, pushy, unreasonable, stubborn, selfish, unaware, threatened, disrespectful, uncommunicative, and stubborn. Control freaks can never let go. Like bullies, they are immobilized if not in control. However, unlike bullies, they don’t always use anger or meanness to get what they want. Control freaks often use sweet talk and manipulation. They are not team players and have difficulty delegating authority, as they try to do everything themselves. If things don’t go their way, they get angry or lose interest, for they feel they must always be in charge. Their lives are filled with frustration and disappointment and never go with the flow. Instead, they force things to happen and when things don’t go their rigid way they panic and become angry or more manipulative.

Did any of these traits remind you of someone you knew? If so what effect has it had on your success? Maybe it’s time for a change.

The Sand: Which Goal…

Even downtime is to be planned like a marinating

Summer’s over! Free reign! The iguana walks around like he’s the Don in charge. The gecko scampers on my approach, and the little lizard (big to me but small when compared to the iguana), stands still as if asking me “what you gonna do now”? What can I do but dart in the opposite direction.

That said, it’s the same in our lives. Seasons change and Businesses take on renewed zest. We take a look around and realize …oh yea I’m supposed to be busy working on my goal. The truth is, you should never have stopped. Even downtime is to be planned like a marinating Sandwich until we return.

But don’t be too hard on yourself. Get back in the game. Push forward and catch up.

Here are two Goal guides to help you compliments of The Coaching Tools Company and iHarry.

Caked: The Stress to De-Stress

Stress is something we all strive to rid our lives of. But often we find what seems like a ‘stress to de-stress‘. We feel Caked, trapped, unhappy with our decision. But don’t stress it. Take baby steps. That’s where most of us fall short. In our microwave society, we want to achieve our goals, dreams and aspirations at the press of a button. Doing so is certain grounds for stress.

Here are 10 ways to reduce stress provided by the University of Illinois. Adopt one, two, or a few. It will be worth it to accept what we cannot change, get organized, laugh at ourselves, and leave time for the unexpected!

Cheers to de-stress!

Mistake Mistakes

Mistakes are opportunities to learn. Move on.


Error, blunder, fault, inaccuracy, omission, miscalculation, misunderstanding, misinterpretation, oversight. Whatever you call it. Mistakes are opportunities to learn.

 
Move on

Coach Me! Top 3 Questions Asked…

do what YOU want to do. Not what someone else wants you to do. If you go against your inner desires, it will create internal havoc in the long run

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Look around you. It’s Obvious, people live in a state of ‘I wish‘. I wish things were different, then I would do this, or that…they often say. At birthday parties we blow out the candles and make a wish. But what is often overlooked is the fact that our private Interior wishes can come through! Oftentimes, we are our own inhibitors. If only we would act. Act on our desires and our wishes, then our dreams would come through. Last year, one athlete at the Rio games shared a goal that he had written in his high school Year book years before. It said simply…”my goal…to become a world-class athlete“;  and he did.

We can do it too. All we need to do is act. We are not all able to do it on our own and that’s when it’s wise to seek the help of a coach. Someone who has your interest at heart. Someone who will be available to lead and guide you to take the right steps and make the right decisions. Here are 3 common Questions people who need a coach ask.
1) I hate my job! How can I break free and have the courage to follow my passion?

  • Don’t walk away… Stay in your job if it pays the bills. You need that security.
  • Create a plan, be patient, and wait.The time will come when you can walk away.
  • Trust the process. Know that with the right daily actions you are one step closer to doing what you love
  • Most important – Don’t give up. You are where you need to be right now

2) I get excited about starting something new! But then I give up. How do I make myself follow through?

  • First of all, do what YOU want to do. Not what someone else wants you to do. If you go against your inner desires, it will create internal havoc in the long run
  • Reflect on why you began in the first place
  • Sometimes it seems too hard to achieve, or takes too long. Stick to it because it will be worth it
  • Take small steps. Do at least one thing each day towards your goal. Your future self will thank you

3) How do I find my passion when I don’t feel any?

  • When we don’t know what the future holds, naturally we get anxious. Anxiety is tied to the unknown. It restricts you and prevents you from finding your passion
  • Be open to learning more about yourself. It’s one of the most important things you can ever do
  • Allow yourself to enjoy the journey and be satisfied with your progress
  • Everything will fall into place at the right time

Sometimes U Win… Sometimes U Learn


Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. But most important of all is to be yourself. That’s when you win, and nobody can take it from you!

Cheers to new Learning!

 

Fifty Shades of Gold


Fifty? I thought about it. How could I approach this prompt? And nothing is more becoming than setting goals….literally.

Fiftyas a number means a lot. To achieve so many years of togetherness, society awards it with Gold! Athletes too after all their hard work, commitment and dedication, they achieve Gold and are satisfied.

So make today your goal to reach out, to touch the gold. No matter how you take it, it’s no easy feat. Success is not for the easy and hardly ever comes to the lazy.

So keep striving for the big Fifty! Achieve that gold! It will all be worth it.

Cheers!

It Starts With A Dream…

It starts with A Dream. When I was growing up I participated in sports. I’m no Usain Bolt but I could always sprint. I ran for my elementary, middle and high schools. I even ran in business athletic competitions. Not only did I participate, but I also won. I won because I had a goal to win for my team. The challenge was beyond that point I did not excel because I had no dream. My goal was simply to do the best for my team, help them win, and after that…nothing. I did not have a dream.

 

 

Dreams propel us. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. Though he did not live to see it come through, great strides have been made towards his dream becoming a reality. Estée Lauder had a dream. She created a perfume with a magical scent. She knew she had to get it into the hands of consumers. But that was hard to do because in those days marketing to department stores was difficult. Estée Lauder came up with a brilliant idea. She ‘accidentally’ spilt a bottle of expensive perfume in a department store. Customers smelt it; liked it; and demanded it. The rest is history. Today her perfume is a household name.

So yes, it starts with a dream. What’s your dream today? Is it career, job, home ownership, relationship, business development, or more? Whatever it is… start it today. Here are 3 tips to get you going.

DREAM:  3 Steps to get you going…

1. Envision Your Future
In 3-5 years or even longer (yikes!) where do you see yourself? If you had all the resources in the world what would you like to see yourself doing?

2. Pause and Reflect
Reflect on the things you are doing now. Are they propelling you to accomplish your goals?

3. Now Go Do it

Now that you know your dream, work backwards. What are the steps you need to put in place today to get to your desired goal? Let’s say it’s for education. Have you registered for that program? If home-ownership, are you saving? If business, is it in line with your passion?  If relationship, are your Eyes open? Are you looking, or playing hard to get? Whatever you are doing, make the move to get one step closer today.

Remember, it starts with a Dream! Take action today.

Cheers to your success!